Life without God's Love is like a Donut

Apparently, our lives are like donuts and Jesus is like ... a munchkin? I've always loved munchkins! I'm kind of a bit of a health nut these days, but I remember as a child looking forward breakfast at church. Someone would always bring something good - sometimes it was coffee cake, other times, muffins. Most often, however, it would be a box of donuts, considering the local Dunkin Donuts happened to be right across the street. Munchkins were bought typically for the youngsters, but they were always my personal favorites.

I think munchkins are special because they are the shape of fun - sweet little balls of dough joy! The original donut is also fun in its own right, being round as well with a happy little hole in the center. What separates typical donuts from the kinds with cream or jelly filling and other pastries is the hole. That hole is what makes the donut awesome! The dough ball from which the hole was created would be no fun at all had it never been removed!

What I make of the donut/life analogy: if you want to have fun with life, remove Jesus and eat him separately. (^_-)

So, about the 'hole in the middle of our hearts' ...? I say, what of it? Jesus won't fill that hole unless you really want him to. For some people, art fills that hole. For others, music. There is always more than just one hole, too.

Christians, don't kid yourselves - filling it with the idea of supernatural love instead of that unsatisfying worldly stuff does not set you apart. It makes you the same as everyone else, only with the addition of an inflated ego to go along with your choice of filling. Not to mention the ultimate denial of that ego, as you hide behind the idea of a supernatural god, expressing your own fear and desire in the form of his love or judgement.

No matter what you fill your hole with, there will always be another. When you fill it with God, it just becomes natural to believe that future holes are simply 'moments of weakness'. You fill it with the same old stuff after each weak moment and it becomes a comfortable pattern for you.

It may feel nice to be comfy cozy, but you can't make a discovery unless you test your limits. For that, you must go out and explore. You may feel at times as though you are in fact exploring, but 'journeying' while locked inside the same frame of mind is kind of like painting the walls or rearranging the furniture. To journey, you must be willing to think outside the box your mind urges you to stay within.

There is always something new to learn about yourself within these holes and the possibilities are endless. Holes are naturally scary - we just can't stand the idea of not knowing what 's at that bottom. On some level, we'd all rather rely on a satisfying idea that has no evidence than go through life not knowing the answer or if we'll ever figure it out for sure. Where would we be as a whole if everyone gave into this fear? Isaac Newton, Einstein, Christoper Columbus (even if he was an asshole, he did question and crush a set belief) and even the evil Darwin?

It is only natural to be a little uncomfortable or even scared of these gaps in our understanding. It's a sad thing to let that fear rule your life and even sadder to try and push it onto others. To then view anyone for expressing a curiosity and willingness to face the world as inferior seems to be the next step, which is just backwards and quite simply, bullying. Why all of that? If you stick with the uncomfortable stuff and face the scary feelings, the journey can be fun and discoveries, deeply satisfying. No, it doesn't soothe your fear or your ego, but if you wait it out it can do so much more!

I don't know about you, but I am at peace with my holes - and that's without Jesus!

Atheism is a Scary Word!

As of now, I do not believe in any gods, or an afterlife. At the same time, I don't think anyone can know can know any of these things for sure. This makes me an Agnostic Atheist. I secretly hope reincarnation is true, but recognize this as an after-life fantasy, one to ease the fear of death. While it's fun to think about from time to time, I could never in good conscience obsess over it. I like to be comfortable, but I think it's only possible to progress when the mind is out of its comfort zone. As much as I love comfort (and ohhh, I reeeally do!), progression is better in the long run and must be my top priority.

I've considered myself, both publicly and personally, more strongly agnostic than atheist, even sometimes denying the atheism all together; lately, I have been wondering why. So far, I've concluded a couple of things. First is that I am, on some level, afraid to fully consider myself an atheist. I am more afraid to admit it to others than I am to myself, but there is discomfort to be found in both instances.

Why would I be afraid when I know what atheism is? It seems silly on the surface. I know that atheists are not 'Ebeneezer Scrooges', bitter and angry at God', as implied by many of the Christians in my past. I know what it's like to think from a Christian mindset - and that from that point of view, it's difficult or even impossible to step outside of oneself enough to realize: just because you love God, it does not mean that someone who refuses to share that passion is simply angry at your God. The possibility does not come to mind that one could be indifferent toward a supposed God while frustrated with the negative effects of a strong belief in such a being. This is a benefit to the logical position: it does not have to get in the way of an emotional view, but it allows one to see beyond it, if needed (and it's always a good practice to analyze emotions). Even the more logical Christian (yes, they do exist), while able to analyze other aspects of his/her life, must turn off the brain in the area of (his/her) religion, in light of the faith requirement.

As a Christian, I did also notice the anger toward Christianity among atheists which, in my mind at the time, justified the 'angry atheist' argument. Now, I know (from my own experience as well as examples from others') that it's not God they have a problem with. I'm sure there are rebellious teenagers (for example) out there, going through anti-God phases, claiming atheism, the most opposing view they can find -- but that's irrelevant, considering the true definition (of atheism). I am sure, however, that when such individuals are welcomed back into the church, it only confirms to the Christian that the 'anger' theory is correct.

No - an atheist's anger is not toward God, or even toward Christian/religious individuals (usually). Their anger is more often concerning religion in general, because of how it is affecting humanity as a whole. The fact of the matter is that atheism is the logical position; it is irrational to believe in God; especially with such a fiery passion. Christianity on the other hand feeds on human emotion. Free-thinkers must aggressively fight for progression because there are still people out there, too afraid of reality and change, to abandon ideas that no longer apply. It is frustrating, to say the least, for the those involved in the effort to update the laws/views in light of what we now know. We can't move forward because the majority still refuses to look past their own comforts and feelings enough to adapt and improve.

This brings me back to the main question: why am I still afraid of the term (atheist)? Even though I am more concerned with progression and that the fact that we can't know anything for sure about the 'supernatural' (so why obsess?), it is still true that I don't believe in a God/gods. That means, however weak or strong, I am an ATHEIST! I think awareness of the misconceptions of atheism (having been so heavily exposed to them) is the main reason behind the natural tendency to avoid being associated with the term. The better solution would be to stand up for what the word really means, and to clear up any misconceptions that pop up along the way. That would require of me a willingness to defeat my inner wimp; the scared little Christian girl who avoids confrontation at all costs. It would mean getting out of my comfort zone, the very thing I claim to stand for.

Another reason (in conjunction with the former) I consider is that the misrepresented idea toward atheism was so ingrained, certain negative associations to the term still linger fruitlessly, much like the irrational guilt that I also deal with, despite all knowledge gained.

It's such an odd experience - living most of my life with a delusional view of the world, knowing nothing else ... and then gradually learning to break away, seeing what the bubble looks like from the outside. I do like that I have two different perspectives on the matter, but at the same time, it's been hard on my mind. The mind loves its comforts. It craves what's known and what's familiar. It can even bury memories that it would rather not deal with. In such a case, it could be a lot of work to bring them to the surface, but psychologists know that sometimes it is what's needed in order for the patient to heal and grow in a better direction. I think of how hard it is for ME, someone desperately trying (and struggling every step of the way) to fight MYSELF, and all of the instincts that get in the way of progression; just to think, at the very same time, there are millions of people fighting to justify these fears, giving them positive names, tying them with pretty little ribbons, and even selling them ... well, it makes me sick to my stomach.

Bottom line: I need to beat this fear! I am no longer blinded by 'the light'; there's no excuse. Staying silent, denying truths ... I think it makes me just as bad or worse than the Christians I speak against.