Sex+ Questionnaire

So, I decided to fill out the Sex+ Questionnaire from the lovely Laci Green. How could I pass up an opportunity to answer 37 sexy questions?? Feel free to fill it out too; just remember, it's nice to share! ^_-

Sex+ Questionnaire For: Sarah Bee
Age: 24
Sex: Female
Location: NY, USA

Sexual Awakenings

1. How did you learn about sex?
Friends, trial and error, the internet

2. Were you able to talk about sex with your parents?
No. All they ever told me was that it was sinful outside of marriage.

3. Do you remember your first kiss?
Yes. lol I sort of surprised my boyfriend of the time because he viewed me as timid and was trying to be slow and romantic, but I jumped for that kiss!

4. Tell us about an embarrassing moment you’ve had with sexuality/a partner/etc.
There are two that come to mind first, and they both involve anal. I will only tell you one... ;) I was a liberated Christian at the time, so I wanted to protect my technical virginity but was otherwise ready to express myself sexually with my boyfriend of one year. On this exciting day, we were getting it on when suddenly, his mother pushed the door open to tell us something ... and got quite an eye full! The worst part was afterwards, when D and I had to walk past her and four friends, whom she clearly told about the experience, in order to get to the front door ... >.<

5. How old were you when you made your sexual debut? Were you ready for it?
18. I was ready on so many levels, but not confident that I was ready. It sort of just happened because we lived together at the time, but I didn't regret it one bit. The next day, I felt like a whole new person. So liberating!

Relationships

6. Are you in a romantic or sexual relationship?
Yes, both. Though, I hate the term 'romantic'. I like to think of us as best friends who fucknlove each other.

7. Would you prefer being in a relationship or being single? Why?
I honestly like many aspects of both. Ideal is a relationship where I don't feel as though I must hide my 'single-loving' tendencies. This does not mean an open relationship per se ;) but just the freedom to express my attraction to others or share my fantasies honestly, without fear of insecurity/extreme jealousy on their part.

8. Would you ever consider a polyamorous relationship?
Yes. Although I do think it’s an unlikely relationship style for me because I am easily socially exhausted.

9. Have you ever cheated on a partner?
Not technically, but I felt as though I had because my ex and and I were not over each other, yet I jumped to someone else without thinking it through.

10. What was your longest relationship? Your shortest?
Longest: 4.5 years; shortest: 1 week (Christian camp, LOL!)

11. What do you look for in a partner?
Open-mindedness, good critical thinking skills, someone I can learn from, someone who can view our relationship as a partnership, has self control, determination, likes to laugh, not easily offended. I also have a fetish for nerdiness, men with chest hair/facial hair, and/or Jesus look-alikes ... o_0

12. Do you have any “deal breakers”?
Anything opposite of the less shallow things above. Religious would most likely be a deal breaker. After 4.5 years of being someone's delicate flower, I don't think I could deal with any level of sexism either, unless they were naively so and willing to broaden their horizons.

Sexploration

13. What is your favorite way to ask for consent?
I like to lick and tease ... I'm a baddie ...

14. What is your favorite position?
I'm not sure that I have a favorite; I like switching it up more than any particular position, but I get really good results when being 'manhandled' from behind in the shower. Spoon-to-fuck is always good and I'll always have a special place in my heart for doggy style. I feel like a porn star when I'm on top ... I could go on!

15. Would you/have you had a one night stand?
I have not, but sometimes I crave it. Probably in part because I never have ...

16. What’s your favorite place to be touched by a partner?
Ears, neck, lips, shoulders, lower back, hips, ass, inner thighs, toes, ohhh... just everywhere, wheee!

17. Is there anything that you’ve wanted to try sexually but haven’t (yet)?
I have a lot of fantasies and I’m still figuring out which I would be down to try out in real life. I'm kind of interested in the idea of swinging or online fantasy play with my partner included but he is not up for it at this time.

18. Would you/have you had group sex (3+ people)?
Yes. I would again, if my partner could get into it. :)

19. Would you/have you practiced BDSM?
Yes, mildly. I wouldn't mind exploring this more ...

20. Would you/have you done role-play?
Yes.

21. What is your biggest turn on?
Connecting through the mind and then sexually. Talking on two different levels in conversation can be thrilling ... especially the initial discovery that the person is following ... :)

Subtle flirting with the eyes really gets me too, especially when combined with the above!

22. Biggest turn off?
Selfishness, arrogance, willful ignorance.

23. How often do you masturbate?
Most days.

24. What do you think is the most erotic part of your body?
My ass and my waist.

Self Love

25. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
My ability to self-question, natural curiosity, and sense of humor.

26. What’s your biggest accomplishment in the last 3 years?
Finally getting my license!

27. Tell us one goal you have for yourself.
To stop dwelling on the past and worrying about the future so that I can enjoy the present. Also, I need to work on my self confidence; I have a hard time believing in myself, particularly in my ability to learn and succeed in life. Fear still has a pretty good grip on me ... I'd like to change that. Lastly, I need to work on time management in my personal life.

28. How do you take care of yourself?
Taking time to be alone and think, singing when no one's around (therapeutic for me), working out, lucid dreaming, bonding with others, getting lost in my own fantasies or a good story, etc.

Hot Topics

29. Do you support a woman’s right to choose an abortion if she accidentally gets pregnant?
Absolutely.

30. Do you think prostitution should be legal?
I think so, but I am on the fence.

31. If you had a baby boy, would you have his foreskin removed (circumcise him)?
No.

32. Should same-sex marriage be legal?
Yes!

33. Should comprehensive sex education be given in high schools or abstinence only?
Comprehensive.

To Infinity, and Beyond

34. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I am undecided. I have a strong interest in psychology, but there is much I am inexperienced with. I may discover a new interest once in school ...

35. Do you want to get married?
Marriage doesn't really appeal to me. I don't see any sense in legalizing a relationship and have no interest in all the fluff that tends to go with a wedding. If marriage were to all of a sudden make sense financially (i.e. getting a mortgage), I'd then consider grabbing that piece of paper. lol On this, my partner and I are in full agreement!

36. Do you want to have children?
I'm not sure yet. I feel like I don't for many reasons, but I am aware that I could feel differently in the future.

37. What do you want to do for others before you die? I just want to in some way inspire open-mindedness in others the same way I have been inspired so that humanity can continue to grow and improve.

Today on facebook ...

Now, I'm not one to start trouble on facebook. Hell, I'm not even one to respond to trouble once it's been started, even though I am of the opinion that one should be prepared to take what they dish out. When it comes to my facebook friends, most of which are Christians, I pretty much allow them to freely ooze their nonsense all over my news feed. I post what I want too, but if it's too risque or controversial, I may not make it public to everyone. I think I am a giant wuss for this and certainly have more respect for those willing to post everything publicly. Still, this is not something I do in practice. I guess it's because I don't have the time or energy to deal with the drama it would likely cause. (*cough EXCUSE!)

You see, most of the Christians from my past (and present; thank you, facebook) are not the sophisticated kind. Dealing with them is often frustrating, meaningless and to be honest, depressing. Why do I have them on facebook, you ask? Well, I do have some good memories with a lot of them. Others, not so much - but I don't hate them or anything. I would feel awful mean deleting them. Yep, wuss.

So yes, my wussiness requires that I find a healthy outlet for the frustration that it is quietly taking such bullshit up the ass without as much as a yelp. Sex and blogging are good options, as far as displaced anger goes. I think it's always best, however, to attack problems head on. Diplomacy is admirable too, but I am that way far too often for it to be a good thing. For me, it tends to be an excuse to hide rather than anything respectable. Plus, being diplomatic does not have to mean staying silent, as it usually does for me. Since I usually rob myself of the opportunity to say what I mean, it was nice to stumble across the chance this morning.

See, I am a fan of a facebook page called 'Fundies Say the Darndest Things', where they expose the insanity that goes on in close-knit fundie circles. It was kind of a place for me to vent freely, until I realized that my comments are actually public to all of my friends. (thank you, news feed ticker!) Oh well. It felt great. Maybe this is the start of something beautiful! ^.^ My comment is still pretty friendly, but being freely atheist in the presence of Christians is new to me, so it feels like a big deal. I hope to find some sort of a healthy balance between the confidence express myself honestly and humble diplomacy.

Deep Throat and Swallow for Maximum Power?

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Jesus Loves Bukake!

I may have kicked Jesus out of my soul (Okay, maybe not kicked, exactly ... fear of change kept me pretty gentle and patient for that ordeal! ^_-) but the holy spirit can come on me any time he likes. Sadly, I doubt he ever will - I'm not exactly the type of gal he'd want to give a facial to. While I do have a submissive streak about me, it's not prominent enough to satisfy his bukake cravings. Nah, I think I'm more the type he likes to 'watch'!

In all seriousness (sort of), even back when Jesus was my personal soul-dweller, I never felt his power deep within. I had faith that it was pure truth even when some things didn't make sense, but I could never get to quite the level of many of my friends, some of whom would practically cream their panties over the power of his love. Why them and not I? Some say it's because I was never truly saved, which is apparently the only way to explain my leaving the light ("once saved, always saved", they say!) It's what they have to believe, I guess, in order to justify their precious bullshit: "If it didn't fulfill her too, it must not be for everyone. WAIT NO, SCARY EASTERN PHILOSOPHY, LALALA, THAT CAN'T BE IT!" *ahem* but that's a rant for another day!

Anyway, I was sure there must be something wrong with me, that I wasn't a good enough Christian, perhaps. Was I not praying enough? Was I masturbating too much!? Fellow Christians certainly never said anything to deter me from such a degrading line of thought. I was never good enough. No one was though - it's just that they were more okay with that idea than I ever was. I did accept it for sure, but in me it set off the bullshit alarm that I'd always ignored, fearing that such an exploration would lead me astray (which it did indeed, and thankfully so)!

It didn't even cross my mind, at the time, that maybe I was simply less emotional than some of my friends. I was also more inquisitive, which is a trait I have come to respect, both in myself and in others. Unfortunately, back then it served only as another guilt trigger - what a shame! If I decide to put my baby maker to use one day, I will be sure to help nourish such wonderful traits in my own children - there's certainly no shame in wanting to make sense of your world!

I came alive the day that I left God and all of his baggage behind. I thrive on the freedom to explore my own thoughts rather than ignore or hide from them, and I am more than okay with that now. While I know the Jesus juice can be a powerful drug for some, I'd rather live life sober. A little blasphemy is a nice high to spice things up now and again, but where it counts, knowledge is power!

Come to think of it, maybe there is some Jesus bukake in my future. I'd resist of course, so it'd have to be bondage style, yeaaa that would teach me! hmm ... sounds more like a job for his dad ... :)

The Transition: Part 1

I can split into three phases, my gradual transition into agnosticism/atheism. For this post, I will be focusing on the first phase, which was liberal Christianity. In Liberal Christianity, I had decided that the angry Christians (those that focused more on sin, judging others, and seemed to have a fetish for the Old Testament) were going about it wrong, but that the message Jesus brought to the world was beautiful and real. In this phase, I sought connections with loving Christians; those whose personalities mirrored my idea of who Jesus was.

One Christian in particular was there for me when the angry Christians really had me down (I'll get to her in a moment). With them, emphasis was always on my sin. I was a terrible witness for living with my boyfriend, as new believers could become confused by this, thinking premarital sex was okay. Next thing I know, it is thoroughly assumed that I am indeed having sex (which I eventually chose to do, but was not in the midst of all the assumptions) According to my highly respected uncle, a 70-something "graduate of Bible college who had been preaching for 40 years, many more years of experience than I had", God was probably going to give me cervical cancer for my sexual immorality. I might also die young for having dishonored my parents (it's all in the book).

Did anyone care that I was in a beautiful relationship with a man that I loved with all of my heart? Did anyone care that in spite of his depressing childhood, he came out strong, sane, and caring? Did anyone even care to get to know him? No - apparently, his background was more important than all of that. He was 'unchurched' (I don't even know if that's a word) and his family didn't have a lot of money. Even when he showed interest in being born again, he still was not accepted by these types. My mother had her eyes set on pastor's sons and missionaries. This guy was scum, and he had no business being associated with me, let alone my boyfriend. Well, that's how the angry Christians viewed it.

I didn't blame Jesus or Christianity for the actions of these angry Christians. I knew that God was perfect even though man, having a sinful nature, managed to screw up what God meant for good. At some point, I got in contact with a former youth minister's wife. I never knew her well, but her husband was the kind of Christian that I looked up to. Even though they no longer served in my church (although, it wasn't my church anymore - my membership was suspended and eventually terminated due to my sinful lifestyle), I knew they were in ministry together at another church in South Carolina. Being his wife, she probably held similar views.

This wishful thinking gave me the courage to open up to her about my life; I needed a mature, loving Christian to talk to and she was the only one within my reach, at the time. As expected, she was very understanding - she even said that she thought D (my boyfriend of the time) and I were 'the real deal'! It meant so much to have another Christian say that. She did not judge and in fact, was kind enough to share her own experiences in the early stages of dating her husband. From these conversations, I learned that she engaged in premarital sex, had mommy issues, and shared a similar frustration with those angry Christians. Not only could I relate in general, but these characteristics also set her apart from the unthinking 'bubble' Christians I was used to in my peer group - she had a 'dark past'.

Now, she was technically against premarital sex; in fact, she and her husband became 'born again virgins' at some point before they married. Of course, she gave reasons as to why it would be a good idea for my boyfriend and I to do the same. She also encouraged me to try and find a church that was 'alive' - she did not necessarily agree with my disinterest in organized religion and believed that a church alive with the true spirit of Christ was worth the search and a wonderful (and important) thing to be a part of.

Even though there were many things we didn't agree on, I enjoyed our conversations because they inspired me to look a layer deeper within myself. She didn't push anything on me and never treated me as though I were foolish or evil for questioning her words. She made points that were interesting on the surface, but it always came down to interpretation of scripture and, more importantly, whether or not the Bible was even true. Conversations involving this theme were what eventually led me into phase two: spiritual explorations.

Jesus, Fill My Soul-Hole!

I've decided to follow this delightfully blasphemous blog that provides, as she claims, "hottie Jesus eye candy and in-depth analysis of life before, during, and after JC and company". Given my fetish for blasphemy, I can't seem to get enough! It has also got me thinking about how certain characteristics of the xtian experience can influence fantasy-life.

Now, pictures of Jesus don't really cut it for me, personally. I think it's the lesbian in me, but it takes much more than a look at a man for me to find him appealing. I can tell what's 'dreamy' and what's 'unimpressive' as far as looks go, but not at quite the same level as other women, it seems. As for my lady-lust ... I can fall in love (the 'eros' kind) from as little as a passing glance. I found a picture through a google search of Mary Magdalene, depicted as a red-head, which served as instant fetish fuel, for example. A wealth of images began appearing in my mind. the theme: Jesus struggling so much just to control himself in the presence of such a vulnerable, voluptuous woman. The thought of the loving, well-mannered son of God becoming overwhelmed with desire is what really gets me.

This same idea, only connected to the holy man in a position of power and the 'good little Christian boy', are close seconds. In the case of 'the holy man', I fancy particularly the thought of deliberately tempting him, taking it away, and then somehow exposing his secret sinfulness to the public. This is probably a way for my mind to 'correct' some past situations of a similar flavor; I hate that even though everyone struggles, leaders can easily guilt others as they downplay or even cover up their own.

Of struggling (including but not limited to the sexual kind), as much as I hate it, I love it at the same time. In this case I'm sure it is connected directly to past sexual repression. I was taught (at a very young age) that sexual urges were something to be ashamed of (as are most fundamentalist kids). Being a very sexual person, I had to find 'ways' to vent that frustration, regardless of the guilt that I knew would follow. I got into such a pattern of pleasure and shame, that now, even as the guilt no longer applies, my mind will naturally associate Jesus to those 'sexual struggles' before anything else. My past pain is now my pleasure ...ahh, the mind protects itself in such interesting ways! ;)

While not at all shocking, I find the number of ex-Christians that share my blasphemy fetish intriguing, to say the least. Perhaps on some level it's just nice to know that I'm not alone. Religion has certainly caused a lot of trouble, but now that I'm out, I think I have its dark clutches to thank for many enriching aspects of my sexual life!