Monday, March 5, 2012

As for those agitators ...

I witness a number of motivational web banners on facebook on a daily basis. Some are about hating the new timeline, some make you wanna love your friends, some are about how awesome your mother is, some are about serving the lord with your facebook, some are political, some are about respecting old people, some are about loving your kids, some are about being bold, some are about helping by doing nothing, some are about holy ejaculate, and some are fucking creepy.

One of the most popular trends of the Christian variety is an inspirational Bible verse in front of a peaceful or heartwarming picture. This is fine I guess, but peaceful and loving tends to get boring after a while. I figure, why not make use of all the creepiness, anger, and hilarity that the Bible also has to offer? I'm guessing my Christian friends must have simply forgotten about the fun and nasty verses, so when I think to myself "WTFWJD?", I can't help but to think that he would want me to remind them. After all, it's not only the warm and fuzzy pieces of the Bible which are God-breathed. It's everything from killing dem witches and bein' nice-ish to your slaves to testicle grabbing and kids getting mauled by a bear in the name of God.

If you have a favorite creepy/angry/evil/hilarious Bible verse, feel free to share in the comments!


Bud said...

You read on my blog some of the verses I considered. All the verses I chose were about genitalia, which was unintentional, but now that I've thought about it, why stop now?

Now it came about at the lodging place on the way that the LORD met him and sought to put him to death. Then Zipporah took a flint and cut off her son’s foreskin and threw it at Moses’ feet, and she said, “You are indeed a bridegroom of blood to me.” [Exodus 4:24-25]

I've always found this one interesting (and I think the rainbow background would work well with this one too):

"Very well," he said, "I will let you bake your bread over cow manure instead of human excrement." [Ezekiel 4:15]

krissthesexyatheist said...

I wish I wuz 1-na those ex-believer current atheist that could quote a bible verse, or better yet-verses, but I can't. Maybe we should start a FB page where we quote all the yucky bible verses and the ones that don't make sense from the superior and correct...Team Atheist view point. Tha t would be pretty funny. Awesome buddy,


Mike D said...

I think a lot of them really honestly have no idea that a lot of those scriptures actually exist. My parents are lifelong Christians and very involved with their church, including countless Bible study groups over the years. When I talked to them about some of the more ridiculous and obscene laws in Deuteronomy, they were incredulous until I actually took out a Bible and showed them.

Bee said...

Bud- mmm, you're making me hungry. You know, they actually sell Ezekiel 4:9 bread in grocery stores. I can't believe they would take the verse out of context like that! O_O (

Kriss - Even as an ex believer, I never thumped the Bible as much as a good Christian should have. That said, even though I knew a lot of Bible stories and concepts, I suck at perfect recall and references. *shrug* There was no more incentive after growing too old for Bible school where you get candy and prizes for verse memorization! Today, Bible Gateway is my friend.

Interesting facebook idea. I could go with that!

Mike - On a serious note, I agree that the majority of believers are probably unaware of the Bible's dirty side. I think the Christians who prefer to get lost in the emotional aspects of Christianity probably have less use for the literal Bible. I think more Christians are in this camp.

Then, there are Christians like my dad who take the whole Bible very seriously, knowing that it is the foundation of faith. That means, he knows even the scary verses ... and finds some sort of justification for them.

I was personally aware of some of the scarier stories because of my dad. I also had a cool youth pastor who seemed to have a fetish for biblical gore. :-p

I don't ever remember learning, however, about slavery being biblically justified. That I had to find out about on my own as an atheist.

LadyAtheist said...

So hard to choose. How about this one? "Happy shall he be, that taketh and dasheth thy little ones against the stones" (Psalms 137:9)

Bee said...

Lady Atheist: o_0 erm ... does that mean what it sounds like it means? A big WTF!?