Tuesday, February 21, 2012

Sex+ Questionnaire

So, I decided to fill out the Sex+ Questionnaire from the lovely Laci Green. How could I pass up an opportunity to answer 37 sexy questions?? Feel free to fill it out too; just remember, it's nice to share! ^_-

Sex+ Questionnaire For: Sarah Bee
Age: 24
Sex: Female
Location: NY, USA

Sexual Awakenings

1. How did you learn about sex?
Friends, trial and error, the internet

2. Were you able to talk about sex with your parents?
No. All they ever told me was that it was sinful outside of marriage.

3. Do you remember your first kiss?
Yes. lol I sort of surprised my boyfriend of the time because he viewed me as timid and was trying to be slow and romantic, but I jumped for that kiss!

4. Tell us about an embarrassing moment you’ve had with sexuality/a partner/etc.
There are two that come to mind first, and they both involve anal. I will only tell you one... ;) I was a liberated Christian at the time, so I wanted to protect my technical virginity but was otherwise ready to express myself sexually with my boyfriend of one year. On this exciting day, we were getting it on when suddenly, his mother pushed the door open to tell us something ... and got quite an eye full! The worst part was afterwards, when D and I had to walk past her and four friends, whom she clearly told about the experience, in order to get to the front door ... >.<

5. How old were you when you made your sexual debut? Were you ready for it?
18. I was ready on so many levels, but not confident that I was ready. It sort of just happened because we lived together at the time, but I didn't regret it one bit. The next day, I felt like a whole new person. So liberating!


6. Are you in a romantic or sexual relationship?
Yes, both. Though, I hate the term 'romantic'. I like to think of us as best friends who fucknlove each other.

7. Would you prefer being in a relationship or being single? Why?
I honestly like many aspects of both. Ideal is a relationship where I don't feel as though I must hide my 'single-loving' tendencies. This does not mean an open relationship per se ;) but just the freedom to express my attraction to others or share my fantasies honestly, without fear of insecurity/extreme jealousy on their part.

8. Would you ever consider a polyamorous relationship?
Yes. Although I do think it’s an unlikely relationship style for me because I am easily socially exhausted.

9. Have you ever cheated on a partner?
Not technically, but I felt as though I had because my ex and and I were not over each other, yet I jumped to someone else without thinking it through.

10. What was your longest relationship? Your shortest?
Longest: 4.5 years; shortest: 1 week (Christian camp, LOL!)

11. What do you look for in a partner?
Open-mindedness, good critical thinking skills, someone I can learn from, someone who can view our relationship as a partnership, has self control, determination, likes to laugh, not easily offended. I also have a fetish for nerdiness, men with chest hair/facial hair, and/or Jesus look-alikes ... o_0

12. Do you have any “deal breakers”?
Anything opposite of the less shallow things above. Religious would most likely be a deal breaker. After 4.5 years of being someone's delicate flower, I don't think I could deal with any level of sexism either, unless they were naively so and willing to broaden their horizons.


13. What is your favorite way to ask for consent?
I like to lick and tease ... I'm a baddie ...

14. What is your favorite position?
I'm not sure that I have a favorite; I like switching it up more than any particular position, but I get really good results when being 'manhandled' from behind in the shower. Spoon-to-fuck is always good and I'll always have a special place in my heart for doggy style. I feel like a porn star when I'm on top ... I could go on!

15. Would you/have you had a one night stand?
I have not, but sometimes I crave it. Probably in part because I never have ...

16. What’s your favorite place to be touched by a partner?
Ears, neck, lips, shoulders, lower back, hips, ass, inner thighs, toes, ohhh... just everywhere, wheee!

17. Is there anything that you’ve wanted to try sexually but haven’t (yet)?
I have a lot of fantasies and I’m still figuring out which I would be down to try out in real life. I'm kind of interested in the idea of swinging or online fantasy play with my partner included but he is not up for it at this time.

18. Would you/have you had group sex (3+ people)?
Yes. I would again, if my partner could get into it. :)

19. Would you/have you practiced BDSM?
Yes, mildly. I wouldn't mind exploring this more ...

20. Would you/have you done role-play?

21. What is your biggest turn on?
Connecting through the mind and then sexually. Talking on two different levels in conversation can be thrilling ... especially the initial discovery that the person is following ... :)

Subtle flirting with the eyes really gets me too, especially when combined with the above!

22. Biggest turn off?
Selfishness, arrogance, willful ignorance.

23. How often do you masturbate?
Most days.

24. What do you think is the most erotic part of your body?
My ass and my waist.

Self Love

25. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
My ability to self-question, natural curiosity, and sense of humor.

26. What’s your biggest accomplishment in the last 3 years?
Finally getting my license!

27. Tell us one goal you have for yourself.
To stop dwelling on the past and worrying about the future so that I can enjoy the present. Also, I need to work on my self confidence; I have a hard time believing in myself, particularly in my ability to learn and succeed in life. Fear still has a pretty good grip on me ... I'd like to change that. Lastly, I need to work on time management in my personal life.

28. How do you take care of yourself?
Taking time to be alone and think, singing when no one's around (therapeutic for me), working out, lucid dreaming, bonding with others, getting lost in my own fantasies or a good story, etc.

Hot Topics

29. Do you support a woman’s right to choose an abortion if she accidentally gets pregnant?

30. Do you think prostitution should be legal?
I think so, but I am on the fence.

31. If you had a baby boy, would you have his foreskin removed (circumcise him)?

32. Should same-sex marriage be legal?

33. Should comprehensive sex education be given in high schools or abstinence only?

To Infinity, and Beyond

34. What do you want to be when you grow up?
I am undecided. I have a strong interest in psychology, but there is much I am inexperienced with. I may discover a new interest once in school ...

35. Do you want to get married?
Marriage doesn't really appeal to me. I don't see any sense in legalizing a relationship and have no interest in all the fluff that tends to go with a wedding. If marriage were to all of a sudden make sense financially (i.e. getting a mortgage), I'd then consider grabbing that piece of paper. lol On this, my partner and I are in full agreement!

36. Do you want to have children?
I'm not sure yet. I feel like I don't for many reasons, but I am aware that I could feel differently in the future.

37. What do you want to do for others before you die? I just want to in some way inspire open-mindedness in others the same way I have been inspired so that humanity can continue to grow and improve.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Today on facebook ...

Now, I'm not one to start trouble on facebook. Hell, I'm not even one to respond to trouble once it's been started, even though I am of the opinion that one should be prepared to take what they dish out. When it comes to my facebook friends, most of which are Christians, I pretty much allow them to freely ooze their nonsense all over my news feed. I post what I want too, but if it's too risque or controversial, I may not make it public to everyone. I think I am a giant wuss for this and certainly have more respect for those willing to post everything publicly. Still, this is not something I do in practice. I guess it's because I don't have the time or energy to deal with the drama it would likely cause. (*cough EXCUSE!)

You see, most of the Christians from my past (and present; thank you, facebook) are not the sophisticated kind. Dealing with them is often frustrating, meaningless and to be honest, depressing. Why do I have them on facebook, you ask? Well, I do have some good memories with a lot of them. Others, not so much - but I don't hate them or anything. I would feel awful mean deleting them. Yep, wuss.

So yes, my wussiness requires that I find a healthy outlet for the frustration that it is quietly taking such bullshit up the ass without as much as a yelp. Sex and blogging are good options, as far as displaced anger goes. I think it's always best, however, to attack problems head on. Diplomacy is admirable too, but I am that way far too often for it to be a good thing. For me, it tends to be an excuse to hide rather than anything respectable. Plus, being diplomatic does not have to mean staying silent, as it usually does for me. Since I usually rob myself of the opportunity to say what I mean, it was nice to stumble across the chance this morning.

See, I am a fan of a facebook page called 'Fundies Say the Darndest Things', where they expose the insanity that goes on in close-knit fundie circles. It was kind of a place for me to vent freely, until I realized that my comments are actually public to all of my friends. (thank you, news feed ticker!) Oh well. It felt great. Maybe this is the start of something beautiful! ^.^ My comment is still pretty friendly, but being freely atheist in the presence of Christians is new to me, so it feels like a big deal. I hope to find some sort of a healthy balance between the confidence express myself honestly and humble diplomacy.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Deep Throat and Swallow for Maximum Power?

Are all of the Christians who post this kind of stuff really so naive that they cannot sense a double meaning here? Or is this an attempt to Christianize a sexual innuendo? I am legitimately curious. It's a facepalm either way, for the sane. For (Jesus) freaks like myself, it's soul-tingling fetish fuel. (*Shrug* Multiple facepalms < Multiple O's)

Another thing I've always wondered - well, after having left the bubble, anyway - is passionate love for Jesus (you know, the falling on yours knees, screaming and shaking kind) nothing more than an explosion of repressed sexuality?

I grew up Presbyterian with some (southern) Baptist influences within the family, so I am used to a rather boring brand of religious spirituality. It wasn't until escaping the fundie bubble to build a new life that I became a bit more familiar with individuals who seemed to be 'creaming for Christ' as they rambled on, incoherently, about His effect on their spiritual lives.

Then again, perhaps I am merely projecting. After all, it was not long after leaving home that I gave away that pesky special virginity of mine to a sweet young man whose love for me was a beautiful, albeit less perfect (DUH), reflection of Christ's unconditional love for humanity. That's what I told myself, anyway, as I dug my fingernails into his back. Oh wait, no. That's just what I translated those dirty, raunchy thoughts to mean during our reflective cuddle time.

Mmm, sometimes I do miss those kinky little purification lenses!

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Sense of Community

Lately, I'm noticing a lot of former believers discussing the hardest part of their deconversion experience being the loss of community. I guess I am a little different in that regard.

First of all, I never felt at home in the church setting. My palms would sweat the minute I walked through the doors because I knew it meant having to greet all the adults and mingle for a bit before Sunday school started. I felt a little more at ease in my Sunday school class because I had a couple of close friends there, but I was by no means comfortable. Aside from a couple of close friends, no one really knew me. Granted, I didn't know myself either at the time - but I was, of course, unaware of that. All I knew was that I was restless and reserved.

Church was certainly not to blame for my anxiety. It was my personality and it affected all social settings, including school, weddings, parties, etc. For me, there was never anything fulfilling about traditional weddings, for example. They were chock full of things I had no interest in, such as mingling, dancing, fancy dresses, itchy panty hose, and the ritualistic aspects which often felt forced. I guess I was a strange little girl, never having once fantasized about my wedding day. In fact, when ever the thought did occur, I would dread it. I was more about the idea of true love which is supposed to inspire the wedding. I dreamed about what it would be like to find a life partner. As I got a little older, I imagined what sex would be like. The actual wedding, though, had no appeal whatsoever. Even today, the only thing I can enjoy about one is the booze (if available).

This uneasiness associated with social situations and formality even affected the activities I did enjoy, such as youth activities and missions trips. Less so, because the setting in these instances tended to be a bit more laid back and genuine, but there were moments of discomfort in these environments as well. For example, when it became time to share what was on our hearts. The spirit was supposed to be present and moving within us and the pressure to report such feelings while coming up dry was often too much to bare.

My relationship with Jesus was real but my personality did not allow for expression of that in the publicly passionate versions which often surrounded me. Of course, I didn't know that at the time. I assumed this lack of an urge to sway, cry, and hug everyone due to the power of God's love was just another indication of my sinful nature, leaving me to feel guilty and out of place. Looking back, I see that I expressed my feelings for the idea of God's love in the form of art, music, and prayer; all of which were things I did while alone. My private time was an opportunity for me to recharge. It was my relief, my time to think and reflect; In short, it was my happy place. According to psychology, this is because I lean toward introversion. Again, I didn't know any better at the time.

Anyone who knew me well as a young child could tell you that I was by no means anti-social, however. I loved to communicate with others; just not with anyone and everyone. Also, I needed some time to warm up to people. I had a warm relationship with my father, for instance, and some of his fondest memories with me (of which he reminds me whenever we are together) are the instances where I let my feisty side shine. My mother always colored this personality trait with a negative brush, calling it rebellion thus one of her nicknames for me, snippy. My father, on the other hand, encouraged this kind of behavior; not blatantly but with his positive reactions. He sent the psychological message that it was good for me to be tough and to stand up for what I think. "My Bee tells it like it is!" I can recall him saying many times. It made him happy when I was strong and vibrant.

It is pretty obvious that my father respects strong, opinionated women; my mother is certainly evidence of that. Unfortunately, being a conservative Christian, this often leads to a respect of those strong and opinionated about the silliest of things. Even dangerous, at times. I think I got the more introverted aspects of my personality from my father, who is much more reserved than I. Having sparks here and there of my mother's competitive nature, I think my father took particular notice and especially encouraged those traits. Sadly, my mother's stronger and more intimidating personality overwhelmed my father's subtle encouragement. I think this had a lot to do with my nurturing my timid side, especially the older I became.

For me, leaving behind my church family behind was indefinitely a relief. Leaving some close friends from the church behind, while having many relieving aspects, was disheartening. The relief had more to do with my inability to open up completely from the beginning. I had messed up in that regard. I was too ashamed of my own nature to question why I had this inability when in reality, my best friends should have been the first with which I discussed this. I cared about my friends, encouraged them to be open with me and accepted them no matter what --- but I did not allow them that opportunity with me. I always kept so much to myself because I was terrified of being judged. Would they have judged me? I'm really not sure - but I should have given them the chance.

It was not until I left home in order to escape the oppression of fundamental Christianity that I came to know liberated, down to earth Christians. Finally, people who saw the same flaws I did with religion. They showed me that Christianity is not a religion, but a relationship with God. All of which I bonded with over the internet, which was an easier form of communication for me. It was the sense of community that I guess most Christians get at church. The only thing holding me back was lack of a home internet connection, being able to afford only the basics. By the time I was in a better place financially with computer of my own, I was beginning to see the flaws of even a personal relationship with God, minus the religious aspect often connected. Eventually, I began to lean closer and closer an agnostic approach.

Letting go of Jesus was the most difficult part of my deconversion experience. He was someone to whom I could relate even when most of the Christians in my family and church family were against me. The truth is, I didn't understand genuine friendship until moving out and starting a fresh life for myself; one that better suited my needs and desires. I became so fixated on Jesus, I think partly because I did not get the sense of community from religious Christians. Being exposed to relationship Christians on the internet gave me a small taste of what community was like.

Today, even though I am less socially anxious, I still use the internet as a main source of communication which in turn provides a strong sense of community. As it was hard to find relationship Christians offline in the past, it is even more difficult to find fellow atheists now. They are easy to find online, and so free to open up and express themselves, as am I. To me, the fact that these connections are not happening face to face has no bearing whatsoever on how genuine they can be. In fact, some of the online friends I have come to know are closer than family to me in the sense that they know and accept the core aspects of who I am where Christian family members cannot.

It would be an added bonus, however, to meet in person. That would be difficult to turn into reality, considering distance. I also entertain this idea of an online gathering for atheist friends. A web forum, perhaps.

I often hear of Christians claiming atheists needing to gather in this way, mimicking their version of fellowship, is evidence of a spiritual craving. Of course, that's bullshit. It may very well be a spiritual craving, but not in the sense they imagine. Humans want to interact with other humans. They want to be loved, accepted and to relate to one another. Our personality helps to determine how we go about this, but we are social creatures. There is no shame in atheists gathering. In fact, I think it's far better to bond and gather with those willing to adjust their views. They not only provide spiritual comfort but also stimulate the mind.

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Do you know what time it is?

Today I learned that there is a such thing as National Blasphemy Day - and I missed it by five months. Damn. Luckily, I firmly believe that all days could be spruced up with a little blasphemy here, there and everywhere.

If ya don't stand for something ...

"If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything".

This quote has become such a bother. Though, the quote itself is not as bad as the implications can be. After all, it is good advice to stand up for what you believe in. However, that something shouldn't be just anything. What if that something you decide to stand for is really one of those anythings you should have avoided? Should you be justified in sticking to it, despite new information that suggests otherwise?

This is why the main thing I stand firmly for is critical thinking. I aim to apply it to every aspect of life because it's really the only thing I have against bullshit, other than maybe common sense for the easy stuff. I'm not quite sure who the original quoter was or what he/she intended, but I do know that it is only my Christian friends who pass along this little gem. The popular interpretation (at least among the Jesus-happy crowd) seems to be in favor of strong, Biblical beliefs and against free thinkers who are, to them, as ungrounded as they come (not to mention slaves of satan).

In reality, free-thinkers can be quite grounded. They are so in something much more useful than a belief system based on a holy book, supposedly written by a God that can't be proven to exist, but who expects his followers to follow blindly anyway. Why would you want to ground yourself in something that can't be proven and forbids you to doubt its contents, even when it directly counters new information? Doesn't that come off as shady? It certainly would in any other context. Wouldn't it be better to ground yourself in something that would always provide assistance in avoiding traps than something that keeps you too naive care and/or too guilt-ridden to explore the potential flaws?

It is true that if you always allow emotions to be the driving force in decision making, you will go wherever the wind takes you. Perhaps the quoter was thinking along those lines? Regardless, the brain is great for keeping the heart in check -- and even though Christianity loves to insert that the Bible keeps the heart in check, in reality, it is a horrible substitute. Let the heart enrich your life, but stand for the logic and reason in order to shed light on those detrimental anythings that so many passionately yet ignorantly stand for.

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

I'm a Baddie


Even though I am etymologically justified in doing so, the driving force behind my choice of words such as 'xmas' and 'xtian' instead of 'Christmas' or 'Christian' in the presence of xtians is often to get uninformed panties in a wad.