Now, I'm not one to start trouble on facebook. Hell, I'm not even one to respond to trouble once it's been started, even though I am of the opinion that one should be prepared to take what they dish out. When it comes to my facebook friends, most of which are Christians, I pretty much allow them to freely ooze their nonsense all over my news feed. I post what I want too, but if it's too risque or controversial, I may not make it public to everyone. I think I am a giant wuss for this and certainly have more respect for those willing to post everything publicly. Still, this is not something I do in practice. I guess it's because I don't have the time or energy to deal with the drama it would likely cause. (*cough EXCUSE!)You see, most of the Christians from my past (and present; thank you, facebook) are not the sophisticated kind. Dealing with them is often frustrating, meaningless and to be honest, depressing. Why do I have them on facebook, you ask? Well, I do have some good memories with a lot of them. Others, not so much - but I don't hate them or anything. I would feel awful mean deleting them. Yep, wuss.
So yes, my wussiness requires that I find a healthy outlet for the frustration that it is quietly taking such bullshit up the ass without as much as a yelp. Sex and blogging are good options, as far as displaced anger goes. I think it's always best, however, to attack problems head on. Diplomacy is admirable too, but I am that way far too often for it to be a good thing. For me, it tends to be an excuse to hide rather than anything respectable. Plus, being diplomatic does not have to mean staying silent, as it usually does for me. Since I usually rob myself of the opportunity to say what I mean, it was nice to stumble across the chance this morning.
See, I am a fan of a facebook page called 'Fundies Say the Darndest Things', where they expose the insanity that goes on in close-knit fundie circles. It was kind of a place for me to vent freely, until I realized that my comments are actually public to all of my friends. (thank you, news feed ticker!) Oh well. It felt great. Maybe this is the start of something beautiful! ^.^ My comment is still pretty friendly, but being freely atheist in the presence of Christians is new to me, so it feels like a big deal. I hope to find some sort of a healthy balance between the confidence express myself honestly and humble diplomacy.
10 comments:
Same story about friends in facebook, although now most of them are gone (after several instances of mutual deletion), probably because I was very vocal and aggressive when left the last layer of "spirituality" behind.
Now I am limited to a few family members, recent friends (I just can't maintain a nice level of conversation with the ones in my fundie childhood anymore), and new good friends from blogs here & there.
If you don't mind, drop me a line at FB, there's already a very interesting small (and invisible because not all members are ready to make their position public) group going on with some people you already know and you may probably enjoy.
Unfortunately, I've only 'lost' one 'friend' so far. Perhaps I should just suck it up and get aggressive! My own mother as well as an uncle who told me once that God would give me cancer (for 'living in sin and refusing to quit') refuse to add me at all - but I'm not complaining! ;)
I know what you mean about not being able to maintain conversations with fundie friends. Other than my partner, I don't actually know any atheists offline - so it's refreshing to make connections so easily over the intarwebz.
I'm a bit curious about this group, but I am having some trouble finding you on there.
Wow!!!! the cancer threat!!!
Although some people on my family probably think something like that, they never had the courage to say it on my face, probably because they can imagine my reaction.
Well, in your case, I would guess your gender and age may have something to do. Depending on the type of personality your mother has, I am sure she might be trying to 'scare you up' just like a bogeyman for grown ups... A parent trying to save their "fragile little girl". Makes perfect sense, really.
But, it really sucks!
While writing, I just got a call from my mother... just to chat a bit , but I know the main subject. She always asks: And about those "ideas"??? haven't you discarded it yet ? ;-)
I checked on FB and my profile was not public, so I changed so you can access it on https://www.facebook.com/sergio.sider . I couldn't find you either so it's probably a default configuration. I think you have to send me a friend request, then I can invite you to the group, and you could then delete me after that if you want.
You surely you already know 4 people there and there's no pressure to post, just friends chatting and exchanging ideas. It's lonely on FB when you have a lot of friends like we do. But this group is very nice!
The cancer threat was actually only my uncle. It was a part of a long e-mail "sent in love" about why I should leave my non-Christian boyfriend and how/why his (my uncle's) 'credentials' made his opinion on the matter worth more than my own.
I wish I were exaggerating. :) I actually saved the e-mail and have been posting it on various forums for shits and giggles - because it's really THAT out there. Maybe I'll post it here next. It's good therapy, somehow :D
My mom would never say something like that, but she insinuates it. My mom's big issue is that she literally can't stand sexual immorality or vulgarity, however mild. It's really quite disturbing how fixated she is on it. I was actually a relatively good kid, but she always made me feel like I was dirty.
Ugh about the phone conversation. Luckily, I live far from my parents and we talk mostly by e-mail. We were actually on bad terms ever since I moved out at 18 (I'm 24 now) and have only recently begun to maintain some sort of 'healthy', albeit shallow, relationship. We don't really talk about religion but as far as I know, she thinks I'm still a Christian.
Anyway, thanks! I'll try you again on facebook!
Don't you just love FB - I have lost loads of friends since becoming the atheist in their closet!
Some have held on and some continue to try and help me to see the error of my ways. They are just the incredibly stupid though and those who seem to gain 'holy points' through getting a sound thrashing!
The others are those that understand what friendship really means and choose to still be about me whatever I choose to believe and whatever they disagree with.
Loving your irreverent blogs Bee. You have joined my fave list alongside 'Debunking Christianity' and 'Sam Harris'!
I don't consider myself much of a serious and dedicated blogger like the many that I follow, but I'm happy that you're enjoying my ramblings! :)
I totally feel ya on the 'friend' situation. To be quite honest, as a believer I don't think I truly understood what it was to be a friend. The guilt I felt for being a sinner combined with the cloud over my head that was the knowledge of my unsaved friends being hell-bound kind of caused me to keep people at arm's length.
I was a Christian all through high school, and I graduated from a Bible college. Most of my Facebook friends are not only Christians, but the more dedicated types: ministers, missionaries, elders and deacons. Then I have a lot of atheist friends whom I've met online. My FB home page can get rather interesting.
I usually keep my atheism stuff off my personal page, just because I don't want to bother with the headache of people telling me they hope I come back to god before it's too late, or that they're disappointed in me because I was taught "The Truth" in college and now I've cast it aside, or try to debate me. You know, all the things that my Christian friends have done when they found out I'm now an atheist. I don't like it IRL; I dislike it even more online. I especially hate Facebook drama.
Missionaries, in my experience, tend to be less willing to yell and debate, more willing to rub god's love all over you. That's annoying, but worse is the ministers, deacons and elders (IMO). Ugh - I feel for ya, having to deal with such a heavy mix! >.<
I have only one minister friend, three missionary friends and the majority are your average, everyday believers ... ;) Maybe less dedicated, but the stupid is strong within them. Not to be mean (okay, yes, maybe) ... I know there are intelligent Christians out there. I just don't know many, having been raised in nutter land!
The handful of atheists/agnostic/don't give a fuckers I've found along the way help to keep things in balance, at least. :) What I gain from them outweighs the bad of the others. I hope the same is true for you. Sometimes Christians surprise me, too; like the 'I love challenges peace-maker guy, ' guy who posts regularly on your blog. :)
I totally agree that facebook drama tends to be the worst; everyone is just so 'brave' behind their walls and the 'stalker feed' gets everyone involved. It can get nasty, quick! >.<
Oh, but I like walls too! I just don't use them for evil! I think the internet is a wonderful opportunity to open up about subjects most are reluctant to bring up IRL.
Your response was perfect. Tactful but firm.
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